C.D. review: "Alpocalypse"

In June, "Weird Al" Yankovic released "Alpocalypse", the 13th album of his illustrious career. After listening to the album several times, I will now give a track-by-track review.

1. Perform This Way
The lead single is a parody of "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga. There was some controversy surrounding this song. As Al tells it, when he approached Lady Gaga's management about this parody, Gaga asked to hear the completed song before she would give her blessing. After recording the song, permission was denied. Al then put the song on You Tube for free. Later that day, Gaga said that she had never heard the parody; blaming her manager for turning done permission. This cleared the way for Al to finish the album. Overall, this song is a strong parody, making fun of Lady Gaga's unique sense of style and way of calling attention to herself.

2. CNR
Five of the songs on this album were released more than two years ago as "Internet Leaks". This was one of those tracks, so I've been listening to it for quite some time. One thing that non-Al fans might not know is that only about half of his songs are direct parodies. Many of the others are what Al calls "style parodies", which are funny original songs that attempt to mimic the sound and style of popular bands. CNR tells of the many exploits of TV's Charles Nelson Reilly; including the revelation that he "ran a 4-minute mile blindfolded with an engine block strapped to his back". The music is in the style of the White Stripes. Overall, this is probably my favorite song on this CD.

3. TMZ
A parody of "You Belong To Me" by Taylor Swift, this song pokes fun at our celebrity-obsessed culture. I never really understood the popularity of TMZ and similar TV shows; this is certainly a topic ripe for mocking.

4. Skipper Dan
Another of the Internet Leaks, this song tells the tale of an aspiring actor who has not found success in Hollywood. Instead, he takes a job as a tour guide at Disneyland's Jungle Cruise ride. Not a particularly funny song, but is earnest and heart-warming in its own semi-twisted way.

5. Polka Face
Another feature of "Weird Al" albums is the polka medley. Al takes a few lines from a dozen or so popular songs, and sets them to polka music. As I've gotten older, I find that I am less in touch with the popular music scene. Therefore, Al's parodies and polkas are a way of keeping me a bit familiar with the current scene. The polkas tend to be funnier when you're familiar with the original songs.

6. Craigslist
This song is a spot-on style parody of the Doors. Each verse takes a shot at different types of unreasonable people that one encounters on the Craigslist site. This includes a man who wants to acquire your vintage '65 Chevy and only give up a wheelbarrow and sombrero in return; also a guy who is giving away used Styrofoam peanuts and acting like he's doing the world a huge favor by doing so. Another of the top songs on this CD.

7. Party in the CIA
With this Miley Cyrus parody, Al has no entered his second generation of parody targets (previously parodying Billy Ray's "Achy Breaky Heart" as "Achy Breaky Song"). This is probably the strongest parody on the album.

8. Ringtone
This style parody of Queen is my least favorite track. As part of the Internet Leaks, this song has been around for a couple of years, and it still hasn't grown on me. It tells the story of a man who has an embarrassing ringtone on his phone, but refuses to change it, since he spent a hard-earned $1.99 on it.

9. Another Tattoo
This song parodies "Nothin' On You" by B.o.B featuring Bruno Mars. I don't know anything about these artists or the original song, but sometimes that can actually aid in the enjoyment of an Al song. In this case however, it did not help. Overall, this is probably the weakest song on the album. It is basically a man listing all of the unusual and bizarre tattoos that he has on his body.

10. If That Isn't Love
The latest in a long line of Al's twisted love songs, such as "One More Minute" and "Good Enough For Now". A man reminds his lover of all the wonderful things he does for her. These include "When you're telling me about your feelings I try not to yawn" and "when you're cleaning the gutters on the roof I'll hold the ladder".

11. Whatever You Like
This song parodies the T.I. song of the same name. But this time, our narrator wants to impress his lady, but has much more limited resources. This won't stop him from supplying her with all the Top Ramen she can eat, or taking her for a hot date to watch the clothes spin around at the laundromat. A very solid and funny parody.

12. Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me
Anyone who has spent much time on-line knows what it's like to receive a barrage of unsolicited jokes, stories, and other emails from well-meaning friends. Most of us are too polite to say anything, but not Al. The CD closes with this ode to unwanted, inbox cluttering junk emails.

The CD also comes with a bonus DVD which contains videos (most of which are animated) of ten of the twelve songs.

Overall, "Alpocalypse" is one of Weird Al's best efforts. If you're not yet a fan, you can check out many of his songs on You Tube, then by all means, buy this CD.

Book review: "The Greatest Game Ever Pitched"

I recently read the book "The Greatest Game Ever Pitched", by Jim Kaplan. The book tells the story of a baseball game played in 1963 between the San Francisco Giants and the Milwaukee Brewers. The pitchers that day were Juan Marichal and Warren Spahn, who are both now in the Hall of Fame. As the title states, both pitchers were excellent that day; there was no score through nine inning. The extra innings kept piling up, and both pitchers kept going. In the 16th inning, the game was still scoreless and both starting pitchers were still in the game. Finally, in the bottom of the 16th, Willie Mays (another Hall-of-Famer) hit a home run off of Spahn to give the Giants a 1-0 victory.

This book not only tells the tale of this particular game, but also serves as a duel biography of both pitchers. Spahn and Marichal had many differences - Spahn was born and raised in Buffalo, while Marichal was one of the first baseball stars from the Dominican Republic. Also, in 1963 Spahn was over 40 and nearing the end of his career, while Marichal was in his 20s and just establishing himself as a star. In spite of these differences, Kaplan weaves together their stories and shows how the two had many similarities as well.

Overall, the book proved to be an interesting view into baseball across several decades, as well as a good insight into the lives of two great yet often overlooked pitching stars. I would recommend this book for any baseball fan.

Glorified Gluttony

I'm not the type of person who usually comes out with a hand-wringing, "the world's going to hell in a handbasket" type of rant, but something happens every 4th of July that I think deserves mentioning. I'm talking about the annual hot dog eating contest. The competition has been going on for many decades, but in the past few years ESPN has decided to televise it. I refused to watch it this year, but I did see it a couple of years ago, and I'm sure it's still the same. It might be the most disgusting thing shown on television. There are millions of people, not only on the other side of the world, but also in the US, who don't have enough to eat. Yet these morons who have conditioned themselves to gorge their stomachs are treated as heroes. Everyone involved - the competitors, fans, Nathan's and ESPN - should really be ashamed of themselves.

It is particularly disturbing that ESPN tries to call this a "sport" and make money off of it. Of course, if anyone actually called the network out on this, their response would be that they are just airing what people want to see. This is pure, unadulterated BS. ESPN calls themselves the "worldwide leader in sports" for a reason. They are big and powerful enough to influence (for better or for worse) the nation's viewing habits. If the powers that be at ESPN think there is money to be made by televising hot dog eating, or a spelling bee, or poker, you can be damn sure that they will ram that pseudo-sport down America's throat and brainwash us into thinking that that is what we wanted in the first place.

As a parent, I feel that I have a vested interest in trying to make the world a better place for future generations. Seeing a segment of our society worship and glorify those who engage in such gluttonous behavior is a real cause of concern for our future. I hope that we all can find better ways to celebrate our nation.

P.S. I heard that this year, for the first time, there is now a women's competition in the hot dog eating contest. Susan B. Anthony must be spinning in her grave.

2011 baseball predictions

Now that spring is here, it's time for Bill's annual baseball predictions! As usual, my forecasts are not based on any scientific analysis, but rather on gut feelings and wild guesses, Therefore, you should not rely on them for wagering purposes. So here we go, with a list of the teams in each division in my projected order of finish: A.L. East Yankees, Red Sox (WC), Rays, Orioles, Blue Jays A.L. Central White Sox, Twins, Tigers, Royals, Indians A.L. West Angels, Rangers, Athletics, Mariners N.L. East Phillies, Braves, Nationals, Marlins, Mets N.L. Central Brewers, Reds (WC), Cardinals, Cubs, Pirates, Astros N.L. West Dodgers, Giants, Padres, Rockies, Diamondbacks Playoffs - First Round Yankees over Angels in 4 White Sox over Red Sox in 4 Phillies over Reds in 3 Brewers over Dodgers in 5 League Championship Series Yankees over White Sox in 5 Phillies over Brewers in 6 World Series Yankees over Phillies in 6; just like in 2009 :-) A.L. MVP - Joe Mauer N.L. MVP - Albert Pujols A.L. Cy Young - Felix Hernandez N.L. Cy Young - Cliff Lee

2010 Books

As 2010 was beginning, I set a goal of reading at least 24 books (2 per month) during the year. I'm happy to say that I exceeded that goal; I read a total of 36 books. It was my intention to write a blog ranking the top ten, but I got stuck. So instead, I will mention my favorite book of those I read in 2010, then make some general comments about others. So here goes:

Best book of 2010:
"Open" by Andre Agassi
As I've written before, I thought this was a great book; one of the best I've ever read. Even though I'm not a huge tennis fan, Agassi's style, attention to detail, and willingness to be brutally honest made for a riveting read.

Other books I liked:
"Abraham Lincoln - Vampire Hunter" by Seth Grahame-Smith
This fictionalized biography tells the story of Lincoln's lifelong battle against vampires and reveals that this struggle was one the factors behind the Civil War. A very fun and enjoyable read.
"The Princess Bride" by William Goldman
Since this is my favorite movie of all time, I decided it was about time to read the book. For the most part, it was quite similar to the movie, but some scenes were definitely more elaborate and interesting in the book. Indigo and Fessick's adventure in the Zoo of Death was fascinating.
"1920 - The Year of the Six Presidents" by David Pietrusza
Tells the story of the election of 1920, which was affected in one way or another by six former or future presidents - Harding, Coolidge, Wilson, Hoover, and both Roosevelts. It was very well done; gripping even though the end result was already known. As an added bonus, when I first wrote about this book several months ago, the author came across my post and wrote a comment thanking me for the positive review. That was the greatest brush with celebrity this blog has ever seen.
"Luckiest Man - The Life and Times of Lou Gehrig" by Jonathan Eig
A must read for baseball fans, especially Yankee fans. It was an interesting look into the man's character.
"Moneyball" by Michael Lewis
Speaking of baseball, this book looks into the front office of the Oakland Athletics and shows the strategies they used to compete against teams that have more money to spend on players (i.e. the Yankees).
"Going Rogue" by Sarah Palin
I know that a lot of people don't like her, but I think she's been a positive breath of fresh air in what is (for me) the drab and dull world of national politics. The book explained her side of some of the controversies from 2008 - and I think did a good job of explaining them.

Classic Literature
A sub-goal that I had for 2010 was that at least six of the books I read be "classics". I fell a little short, but here are the ones I did read:
"To Kill A Mockingbird" by Harper Lee
"Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley
"The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger
"The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" by Mark Twain (which I had read years ago)
"The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" by C.S. Lewis ( I read this one while waiting around on Jury Duty day)
I really enjoyed all of these classics and intend to read several more in 2011. My favorite of the classics was probably Tom Sawyer. I have to admit that "The Catcher in the Rye" didn't really grab me - I kept waiting for it to get more interesting; maybe my expectations were off. It was still a worthwhile read, though.

One book that disappointed me
"The Yankee Years" by Joe Torre and Tom Verducci
As a Yankee fan, I certainly enjoyed the team's run of success during Torre's run as manager. However, this book seemed like an endless axe-grinding against those who weren't "True Yankees" (i.e. those who were part of the World Series winning teams from 1996-2000). The level of fawning over Derek Jeter was a bit much at times. Torre also took a bunch of cheap shots at Alex Rodriguez, who was an is a much superior player. Overall, Torre came off looking petty and vindictive and lost some respect for him after reading that book.

So there it is. I wish you all good reading in 2011 and I'll report back soon.

Dunkin' Everything

Saturday morning I went to Dunkin' Donuts to get a special breakfast for the family. As you probably know, you can buy a lot more than donuts at Dunkin' Donuts. They also sell munchkins, bagels, croissants, and of course coffee and assorted other beverages. It seems that it wasn't that long ago when the only food sold there was donuts and munchkins.

You might say, here goes Bill again, complaining about too many choices and varieties. It's true that I'm a bit of a curmudgeon; longing for a past, simpler time. When Oreos were single-stuff, M&Ms were plain, and DD sold donuts - a wide variety of donuts. Now, there are so many other items crowding the display shelves, most Dunkin' Donutses only carry about 10 or 12 different types of donuts. That's fine with me as long as they still offer good old jelly, but my wife wanted a donut with coconut - no dice. If only DD would focus on their core business, they could produce a wider variety of donuts, and satisfy more customers. Because really, who would actually want a croissant?